Ohana

“Ohana means family, and family means that no one gets left behind, or forgotten.”

I have had to learn some painful lessons about what “Ohana” means. I've learned that a lot of people – most people, in fact – don't have the same definition of ohana as I do. I've learned that they seemed to think its okay to do or say whatever they want to, as long as it suits their own wants and needs. I've also learned that, if you don't agree with what they say or think or do, then you get left behind and forgotten.

Today would have been my 8^th year anniversary of being partnered to my Master. It's been a very hard day for me. There were tears this morning when I sent him a card that said “I love You” instead of “Happy Anniversary” in it. I haven't slept much today. He really loved the card, by the way. I'm still in his collar, you see. I won't go into all of the details of what happened, but suffice it to say, and the person responsible will know who I am talking to – When you're asked to leave something alone and not say anything – leave it the fuck alone and don't say anything.  Especially when you don't know as much as you think you do, about what's going on.

The amount of pain that I have had since August 5^th … the number of tears that I have cried... the number of times that I was just ready to end it all – you don't know, and you will NEVER know, because not only did you end my partnership with Master, you also walked out of my life and dropped everything in my lap. Not only that, but it isn't the first time you've done it.

That isn't ohana. In no world is that ever ohana.

Today, I should be grieving your loss as well – but I am not.

Not only do I have my Master still, albeit without the role of partner … but I have a beautiful sister as well. I won't say that she's a new sister – she isn't, though she is new to Master's collar. She's always been my sister, even if we didn't necessarily realize that bond was there.

Let me tell you about this woman, though. This woman walked right in, wrapped her arms around my heart, and held me while I grieved for you, and for the relationship that I thought I was losing. She never ever judged, and she never ever took sides. She just listened. She offered advice. And, she loved.

That is ohana.

That is why we are family now, the three of us.

That is why, I don't have to worry about being left behind, or forgotten, ever again.

Roses & Violets

To Master.

Skinny Shamed!!??

So ... I think I just got "skinny shamed".

I've been fat shamed before in real life, because I am a bit overweight, plus I'm just a bigger person in general.  But now, I can honestly say I know what feels like on the other side of that coin.

I was DJ'ing at Fallen tonight and one of the VIPs made a comment along the lines of "gives River a cheeseburger and fries" ... and followed that up a while later with adding in some dessert.   I didn't even know this person, and had not seen them before tonight.

I was kind of stunned.

I just made a new shape today, because I got the new [AK] Maia Bento head.  I personally don't think I look too skinny, I think I have a rather athletic look, which I really like.  I'm certainly not all skin and bones ... but you know what?  Even if I was?

So what?!!

Its my choice as to what I look like in SL.  There's just no reason that anyone should be shaming anyone for what they look like - large, small, tall, short, or otherwise!! 

Wow! So Much Time!

The only excuse that I can give for not posting to this blog since ... 2014?!  Is that life has been pretty crazy in both RL and SL. 

Fallen Angels BDSM Club is still open and going strong, thank you all very much!  We have some amazing staff members, and even more amazing VIPs that bring a sincere sense of joy to Fallen.  Even on the days when things are hard (and believe me, as a club owner you see a lot of those!), those people have a way of bringing a smile to my face and letting me know that in the end, its all going to be just fine.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

A lot of people talk about "family" in SL - and unfortunately, we see a lot of those families come and go on the grid.  One day, everything is fine and dandy, and the next day, all hell has broken loose, people are hating on eachother, and the drama level has gone sky-high.   I am so very fortunate, that, in my SL, I only have to watch that happening from a distance.  Sometimes, a short distance, but still a distance.   The little group of people that I have surrounded myself with since 2007 are, for the most part, still around, and I think that we are the true meaning of what family actually is.   And, keep in mind, that some of these people have actually been around since BEFORE Second Life!  That makes it even more special!   Our little group has seen its ups and downs.  There's been arguments, out and out fights, even a couple of deaths (RL) - but we have managed to keep hold of the true meaning of "family" throughout it all.   I honestly don't think that I could be more blessed with a group of friends than I am right now, at this moment.


Ohana, Hakuna Matata, and all that jazz.  :-D

The Return of Fallen Angels BDSM Club and Tornadoes!

Let me just right to the big news!  After negotiation, Master and I are the new owners of Fallen Angels BDSM Club.  Yep, that's right.  After listening to people lamenting it's disappearance for two years, we decided to try to do something about it.   It's our sincere hope to return Fallen to what it once was - a home away from home .. a place where people can come and feel safe, whilst enjoying themselves.  The build is very similar to that of the old Fallen build, with a few surprises, such as the Upper Floor - click things to find the hidden play rooms!  You never know where one is going to be found!  We have an amazing staff who is really standing firmly behind us, and we are looking to add to that staff.  The Fallen online application is back up and running, and we hope to see some returns on that soon!

Opening night was AMAZING.  We had nearly 60 people, and DJ Othius was on hand to lend his musical stylings for the big night.  All of the dance poles were filled, and there was lots of conversation and welcoming familiar faces back home again.

Sunday was all about rest and relaxation, heh.

Monday, September 1st started quietly enough but towards the evening, things started to get intense in my RL.  Storms started rolling in.  Big ones.  Lots of lightning and thunder .. and then severe thunderstorm warning happened.  Less than 10 minutes later, that changed to a tornado warning.  I barely had enough time to let Master know what was going on (we were on Skype) before the power started doing this weird fade in and out thing.  Then it went totally out, came back on again, and there was a massive explosion near my house as a transformer blew up.  Literally, there was a fireball.  Of course at that point, the dogs and  I were in the dark.  I grabbed my phone and we headed for the bathroom.  As we were going, I could hear the wind slamming against my house ... the windows were rattling violently, the door was shaking in it's frame, and the air conditioner was really struggling to stay put in the window.  I heard a really loud bang against the house (that was my trash bin trying to fly away) and then the house started groaning ...  By this time, the dogs and I were in the bathtub with the futon mattress over our heads, and I was frantically trying to call my children.  My youngest daughter managed to get a call back to me, the tornado had touched down right by her work, but they were all safe in the walk-in.   All in all, the majority of my city lost power, there were tons of downed trees (I'm talking, yanked up by the roots!) and debris everywhere.  My power went down about 9:30pm Sept 1, and came back up around 3:30pm Sept 2nd.  Kudos to the power people for working so hard to get things fixed!!  As I understand it, they are still working hard, and there are still some pockets of town without power.  Thank goodness it wasn't as hot as it was supposed to be, today.  It would have been unbearable.

And that's a wrap up for my weekend.   Here's to hoping for a quiet rest of the week, heh.


Love and Peace,

~R

Lazy Days...

I've had a few lazy days lately.  Today was one of them.

Today, I took some pictures at a sim called Hazardous - it's one of my favorite places to go to take pictures, because I can get that sort of, post-apocalyptic look pretty easily there.  Anyway, here's the results.   I think the last one is my favorite.

Catching Up and Other Interesting Things

It occurred to me, today, that I have not posted anything to my blog in quite some time!  So, I am going to rectify that sad situation.

Needless to say, I've been pretty busy.  We have some new staff in at EXILE, which has helped tremendously! I had taken on an extra DJ shift on Mondays, but have happily passed that on to Ray - who I am excited to say, made #17 on the SHX TOP 40 on his first appearance at EXILE!  And, Jynxx is back!! Congrats and yay and stuff!!  There's also been RL stuff going on - switching bedrooms in the house (which was a trial, let me tell you), and general cleaning.  Got new blinds, hung those, thermal curtains, and then all of the nifty day-to-day stuff that goes on.

News on the mesh body front - #themeshproject has perhaps one of the BEST mesh body setups that I have seen to date.   Those of you who have read my previous blogs on mesh bodies know that I was pretty hooked on my WowMeh.  But, the Mesh Project ... wow.  Every detail is pretty amazing! I went all the way and got the "babydoll" head, and the deluxe body, which came with mesh hands and feet also.  Even when it was in beta, I didn't want to take it off.  (Beta had no alpha layers.)  I am REALLY looking forward to more clothing designers getting stuff out for #themeshproject!!  Oh, AND, my fave skin designer, Pink Fuel, is set to start doing skins for them as well!!  If anyone wants to get a free mesh body to try out, go into search on SL, and then under places, type in The Shops.   When you land, you need to accept the folder of HUDs that they give you, and wear the shopping HUD to get started.   Give it a try - you won't be sorry!  I will get some pictures of mine up as soon as I am able to do so.

Lots of curiosity abounded this week with some mysterious announcements in the Fallen group about a return of the club.  We're being told to "stay tuned" for more details, so I guess that is what we'll all have to do.   Should be interesting to see what happens.

I guess that's about it for me, for now.  Hopefully things slow down a bit so that I can actually get on here and update my blog more often!  Quiet time is good.  Yes.  It is.

Love N Peace,

~R