Ohana

“Ohana means family, and family means that no one gets left behind, or forgotten.”

I have had to learn some painful lessons about what “Ohana” means. I've learned that a lot of people – most people, in fact – don't have the same definition of ohana as I do. I've learned that they seemed to think its okay to do or say whatever they want to, as long as it suits their own wants and needs. I've also learned that, if you don't agree with what they say or think or do, then you get left behind and forgotten.

Today would have been my 8^th year anniversary of being partnered to my Master. It's been a very hard day for me. There were tears this morning when I sent him a card that said “I love You” instead of “Happy Anniversary” in it. I haven't slept much today. He really loved the card, by the way. I'm still in his collar, you see. I won't go into all of the details of what happened, but suffice it to say, and the person responsible will know who I am talking to – When you're asked to leave something alone and not say anything – leave it the fuck alone and don't say anything.  Especially when you don't know as much as you think you do, about what's going on.

The amount of pain that I have had since August 5^th … the number of tears that I have cried... the number of times that I was just ready to end it all – you don't know, and you will NEVER know, because not only did you end my partnership with Master, you also walked out of my life and dropped everything in my lap. Not only that, but it isn't the first time you've done it.

That isn't ohana. In no world is that ever ohana.

Today, I should be grieving your loss as well – but I am not.

Not only do I have my Master still, albeit without the role of partner … but I have a beautiful sister as well. I won't say that she's a new sister – she isn't, though she is new to Master's collar. She's always been my sister, even if we didn't necessarily realize that bond was there.

Let me tell you about this woman, though. This woman walked right in, wrapped her arms around my heart, and held me while I grieved for you, and for the relationship that I thought I was losing. She never ever judged, and she never ever took sides. She just listened. She offered advice. And, she loved.

That is ohana.

That is why we are family now, the three of us.

That is why, I don't have to worry about being left behind, or forgotten, ever again.

Roses & Violets

To Master.

Skinny Shamed!!??

So ... I think I just got "skinny shamed".

I've been fat shamed before in real life, because I am a bit overweight, plus I'm just a bigger person in general.  But now, I can honestly say I know what feels like on the other side of that coin.

I was DJ'ing at Fallen tonight and one of the VIPs made a comment along the lines of "gives River a cheeseburger and fries" ... and followed that up a while later with adding in some dessert.   I didn't even know this person, and had not seen them before tonight.

I was kind of stunned.

I just made a new shape today, because I got the new [AK] Maia Bento head.  I personally don't think I look too skinny, I think I have a rather athletic look, which I really like.  I'm certainly not all skin and bones ... but you know what?  Even if I was?

So what?!!

Its my choice as to what I look like in SL.  There's just no reason that anyone should be shaming anyone for what they look like - large, small, tall, short, or otherwise!! 

Wow! So Much Time!

The only excuse that I can give for not posting to this blog since ... 2014?!  Is that life has been pretty crazy in both RL and SL. 

Fallen Angels BDSM Club is still open and going strong, thank you all very much!  We have some amazing staff members, and even more amazing VIPs that bring a sincere sense of joy to Fallen.  Even on the days when things are hard (and believe me, as a club owner you see a lot of those!), those people have a way of bringing a smile to my face and letting me know that in the end, its all going to be just fine.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

A lot of people talk about "family" in SL - and unfortunately, we see a lot of those families come and go on the grid.  One day, everything is fine and dandy, and the next day, all hell has broken loose, people are hating on eachother, and the drama level has gone sky-high.   I am so very fortunate, that, in my SL, I only have to watch that happening from a distance.  Sometimes, a short distance, but still a distance.   The little group of people that I have surrounded myself with since 2007 are, for the most part, still around, and I think that we are the true meaning of what family actually is.   And, keep in mind, that some of these people have actually been around since BEFORE Second Life!  That makes it even more special!   Our little group has seen its ups and downs.  There's been arguments, out and out fights, even a couple of deaths (RL) - but we have managed to keep hold of the true meaning of "family" throughout it all.   I honestly don't think that I could be more blessed with a group of friends than I am right now, at this moment.


Ohana, Hakuna Matata, and all that jazz.  :-D