“Ohana means family, and family means
that no one gets left behind, or forgotten.”
I have had to learn some painful
lessons about what “Ohana” means. I've learned that a lot of
people – most people, in fact – don't have the same definition of
ohana as I do. I've learned that they seemed to think its okay to do
or say whatever they want to, as long as it suits their own wants and
needs. I've also learned that, if you don't agree with what they say
or think or do, then you get left behind and forgotten.
Today would have been my 8th
year anniversary of being partnered to my Master. It's been a very
hard day for me. There were tears this morning when I sent him a
card that said “I love You” instead of “Happy Anniversary” in
it. I haven't slept much today. He really loved the card, by the
way. I'm still in his collar, you see. I won't go into all of the
details of what happened, but suffice it to say, and the person
responsible will know who I am talking to – When you're asked to
leave something alone and not say anything – leave it the fuck
alone and don't say anything. Especially when you don't know as much as you think you do, about what's going on.
The amount of pain that I have had
since August 5th … the number of tears that I have
cried... the number of times that I was just ready to end it all –
you don't know, and you will NEVER know, because not only did you end
my partnership with Master, you also walked out of my life and
dropped everything in my lap. Not only that, but it isn't the first
time you've done it.
That isn't ohana. In no world is that
ever ohana.
Today, I should be grieving your loss
as well – but I am not.
Not only do I have my Master still,
albeit without the role of partner … but I have a beautiful sister
as well. I won't say that she's a new sister – she isn't, though
she is new to Master's collar. She's always been my sister, even if
we didn't necessarily realize that bond was there.
Let me tell you about this woman,
though. This woman walked right in, wrapped her arms around my
heart, and held me while I grieved for you, and for the relationship
that I thought I was losing. She never ever judged, and she never
ever took sides. She just listened. She offered advice. And, she
loved.
That is ohana.
That is why we are family now, the
three of us.
That is why, I don't have to worry
about being left behind, or forgotten, ever again.
