A Letter To My Dogs

Achilles and Loki,

I love you both dearly, but we need to have a talk. I know that you are both confused because Darkain left last night and didn't come home - but he will be home on Friday.  I know its confusing because Jynxx left a few months ago and still hasn't come back yet.  I promise, Friday, he'll be back.  But, in the meantime, we need to have a serious talk about house rules and boundaries.

1.  The trash can is off-limits.  Always.  There is no exception to this rule, ever.  What goes in does not come back out again.  This also applies to the trash can in the bathroom, and the one in the laundry room.

2.  You both know where the newspaper is.  Its in the same place that its been in, for months now. There's no reason that the newspaper should be completely un-used, and the surrounding area should be a minefield.  Please use the paper and make my life a bit easier.

3.  I don't mind that you like to lay in the cabinet in the kitchen.  But, do you really have to drag out all of the canned foods?  There's plenty of room for you and the canned foods down there.

4.  The bed.  I don't mind if you come up onto the bed to sleep with me.  You're warm, and soft, and fuzzy.  That said, please give me some blanket to work with.  Also, my pillow is MY pillow, and my head goes on it, not yours.  Thirdly, when you wake up, and I am still asleep, walking on my head is not okay.

5.  Barking at every single noise that happens, inside or outside, while I am trying to sleep, is NOT okay.  Someone comes to the door, yes, understandable.  But - the wind?  A leaf blowing on the sidewalk?  The kids getting dropped off by the school bus THREE BLOCKS DOWN?  Not okay.

6.  I can go to the bathroom on my own.  Really.  I got this.

7.  I can take a bath on my own, too.

8.  You're both adorable.  I love your big, pretty eyes.  Except, when I am trying to eat something. No matter how much you sit and stare at me, batting your lashes, I am not going to share my food. I know what happens when you eat "people food".  Please refer to #2.

9.  Sometimes, I just want to sit on the couch by myself.


I hope that these things help!

Love always,

Mom



Dear Mom,

Read your letter.  Your hamburger looks very tasty.  Please don't say the word bath anymore.

Love,

Achilles and Loki